monday

We have no water. Again. There is plenty pouring from the skies so I suppose, if I wanted to, I could stand outside with a bucket and eventually get enough to fill a glass.

Or maybe I’ll be in Offshore getting a much needed latte. Presumably I would bump into the rest of the block who are also water-less due to a leaking pipe somewhere under the floorboards on the 2nd (3rd?) landing.

So far I have remained open and, upon informing everyone that we have no water, have been fielding the following questions:

Can I just get tea, then?

(no water)

Don’t you have a kettle?

(no water)

I just need to use the toilet!

(NO WATER!!)

So I’ve closed.

I’ll be in Enjoy, mainlining caffeine.

See you tomorrow at 8.30am.

Avec le H2O

MaybeSober

I have a terrible memory for birthdays; yours, mine, my mother’s – I’ve forgotten them all over the years. So in order to try and counteract this terrible failing I’ve taken to writing them in the shop diary and then putting them on the weekly calendar behind the bar.

This time I noted the birthday, wrote it on the calendar and noticed on the day, thinking smugly to myself -

“I must phone and wish him a happy birthday – perhaps he fancies a gin at the weekend, on me, of course, to make up for the fact that I remembered his birthday but forgot to buy the prezzie.”

Then I forgot to ring.

MAYBESOBER! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (for last week, ahem)

 

GIN’S ON ME!!

 

 

 

 

Hello?

tuesday/wednesday

 At the risk of attracting a whole load of abuse regarding home-wrecking skanks etc. etc. I must say I’ve always quite liked Sienna Miller. She’s thoroughly (if unintentionally) entertaining in interviews, spouting all sorts of contradictory crap depending on which market she’s aiming at this week, and I sometimes like her dresses. The few films I’ve seen her in have been quite good and she dumped that prat Law.

But something’s been bothering me for a while now and it’s finally time to let it go: if you are someone who earns their living portraying characters far removed from yourself and if that is how you justify your exorbitant paycheck and, shall we say, artistic interpretation of acceptable behaviour, surely it wouldn’t be too much to ask for you to ACT, DAMN IT! PRETEND YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT AND HOLD YOUR MANEATING CHIN HIGH!

?????????????

Thought not.